3 Tips for Listening: What They Say, See & Value

Kia orana, nau mai, haere mai, ki tēnei pānui, ki tēnei kōrero rānei.

Welcome to Nurtured with Naketa.

Every two weeks, I drop some ideas to support leaders, to support our people in terms of working in their teams.

This week, I wanted to share with you, and I haven't talked about coaching in a little while, even though I love it!

For those that don't know, I'm currently studying my Education Doctorate, looking at reimagining coaching through a Moana-Nui-a-Kiwa perspective.

But I wanted to share with you three tips. Three tips for listening, three tips for tuning in, and it comes from my research that I did for my Masters, which was based on listening as a leadership skill. I basically think listening is the underrated super ninja communication skill.

There are three things I wanted to share with you today to help you help others feel valued, heard, and understood. And if I look at the world now, I think that is the biggest pandemic we have, in that people are feeling misunderstood, undervalued, not heard, not appreciated.

So, these are my three tips for how you might bring better listening to your conversations. The three of them are: what they say, what they see, and what they value.

What They Say

You will hear words people use that we have our own whakaaro, our own thinking around — things like success.

Right? My definition of success is the freedom to choose what I want to do, when I want to do it.

Others might be qualifications. Others might be the number in their bank account, right? So, the word success has different connotations depending on who you're talking to. So, if you hear somebody saying things like success, or overwhelmed, stressed, words that you know you tag your own meaning to, you can help pull that and help clarify for them.

When you say success, what does that mean for you?

Or, oh, I noticed you said overwhelmed. Tell me more. Right? And so people have the opportunity to really think about what does it mean to me? It's words that we use that we don't really unpack, so the gift of helping people unpack that for themselves, and for us to better understand them, is such a treat.

And I say treat because it's such a gift to be invited to share more about words that mean a lot to us.

What They See

You will hear things — and it comes down to the metaphorical — you will hear things like under the pump, no map, or I'm lost, it feels like a cloud. You'll hear words, you'll hear phrases like this, and you can invite people to say, oh, I noticed you used the metaphor of “it's like you're in a cloud.” Tell me more.

Or, what does that mean for you? Or what would it take to get out of that cloud? Or what would it take to lift that cloud?

What They Value

This is my favourite one to kind of help people hear. You can hear in conversations where people, hand on heart, have deeply held values.

I might say things like, whoa, and I can hear many times people — I’ll say, well, service sounds like it's really important to you.

Or, confidence sounds like that's an important leadership skill for you.

And if you're right, they'll say yes, they'll feel heard, they'll feel understood, but they'll also elaborate why. Even though I believe service is important — well, I believe service is important — what it looks like for me looks different for other people.

And so, it's just a really nice way to help people feel heard, understood, and valued. And I just — that is my greatest joy — is helping people realise their awesomeness, and asking them, well, reflecting back to them, what they say, what they see, and what they value.

There's a quick set of tips for you today. Obviously, it's a nuanced craft. Coaching is something I absolutely adore — gifting to the world, gifting to people.

If you have any questions about that, please, or if anything resonated for you, please just flick an email back to me.