Difficult Conversations: Feedback and the Zip Is Down Analogy

Welcome to Nurtured. with Naketa.

This is my new format for my fortnightly two weekly biweekly newsletter where I literally just talk off the cuff about a topic that sprung to mind

Whether it's in my workshops or my coaching with today's AI generated kaupapa,

I kind of just wanted to bring a bit more authenticity...authent...ic...ity.

(See that's authenticity) to my weekly fortnightly kaupapa, and just bring it as it is.

And so this week, this is my kaupapa.

I'm going to be sharing something that I often talk about in my feedback wānanga.

And that is

"Your zip is down and your skirts up your knickers"

What is that about?

So often people really struggle giving feedback, and so there's lots of ways as a coach that I can support you through that.

But here's the metaphor or the analogy. This is so raw and real analogy that I use.

Someone's got their skirt up, their knickers, right? Are you going to let them walk around?

This is the worst thing you could do is let them walk around with their skirt up, their knickers.

Everybody's talking about their skirt up, their knickers, and you're not saying anything.

When we look at what our values are and would've seen, I've sent it many times the values link, and I'll pop it down there just for those that haven't done it yet.

But if we look at our values and if aroha is in there, if service is in there, if humility is in there, reframing, giving people feedback is aroha. It's a gift.

And so much like you don't want people talking about you with your knickers, with your skirt, knickers or your zip down.

The same thing is for behaviours. When people are in meetings and they always take the air time, they're always loud and they never let anyone else talk.

If people are going to the meeting after the meeting and saying, oh, she always talks like that. Oh, she never lets anyone else have a talk, have a turn at talking.

That's equivalent to letting someone walk around with their skirt up their knickers or their zip down, their fly down.

So look, I'm becoming quite passionate about it. When you struggle to give feedback and remember, feedback is a perspective, your perspective on a scenario, think about, okay, is their skirt up their knickers, and am I going to give them a perspective?

What you say is your perspective, right?

And you can offer it that way.

"Can I offer a perspective or can I offer you an insight or can I offer you an observation?"

Of course, wait for them to say yes, but that's how I reframe it so it's easier to deliver.

There's so much more to that in a coaching session, I'd be inviting you to talk about what's happening to your body, physiologically, what's happening to you that you can't, because I'm not about difficult conversations or hard conversations, I talk about honest conversations. Honest conversations are where you just speak from your perspective, from your truth.

That's it from me today, but I'm going to pop the link to the values video. If you haven't seen that before.

Kia pai te rangi

Naketa